Today is the longest day of the year.

All around the country, pagan-identifying types are tuning bare-breasted towards their nearest haul of ancient stones. The ground around Stone Henge will creak under the weight of flashers and dogging enthusiasts expunging ritual joy at the altar of the saggy boob and wonky dong. The Waitrose at Fleet Service station - positioned perniciously before turning into the tailbacks of the A303 - will see a year’s worth of trade between here and Glastonbury and back again. Pull up the effigies! Burn Farage! Burn BoJO! Just don’t forget the mini Molten Mowbray pork pies.

Meanwhile, downstairs at 411 Mare Street, we can now sing to a different tune. The longest day marks several clear delineations. The solstice is the official start of summer so, on cue, we’ll have a new menu to show off from tonight. Bruised banana rum old fashioned with a customary dose of CBD, wiccan Manhattans, elegiac cucumber gimlets, tiki agave drinks, cereal milk julep floats and little-gay egg nogs will abound for the next 3 months. Strong drinks for summer are back. We can also rejoice, as basement dwellers, that the days will now start receding, serving our selfish purpose. YAY darkness!

We’ll have fun little feedback sheets for the first weekend so if you get down to try the new bits tonight and can fathom something productive we’ll grant you a tasty cut off your bill.